


But I'll keep dreaming

by Autisticvampireclub



Series: Bmc spooky gay oneshots (yes that's what I'm calling it) [7]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Hanahaki!Jeremy, Hanahaki!Michael, Jeremy having hanahaki is only feat in a dream though, M/M, Michael has some dependency issues, Michael is a lucid dreamer, More hanahaki!au, Suicidal Thoughts Implied, blood tw, buts that's nothing new, ment of sexual stuff, this fic is all about dreams, this is a sequel/prequel to Voices in the rose garden, vomit tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 18:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11560482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autisticvampireclub/pseuds/Autisticvampireclub
Summary: When Michael was younger he always had strange dreams. He also had hanahaki for his best friend.Surgery quickly fixed that problem though.He just wish he knew why the fluttery feelings he got whenever he looked at Jeremy had disappeared with the flowers.





	But I'll keep dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to Voices in the rose garden. It'll probably make more sense if you've read that fic first. A look at Michael's side of the story.
> 
> (Also more references to horror games, this time subtle references to Dreaming Mary, and Yume Nikki too I guess.)

Michael Mell was ten years old today. He should be happy. It's his birthday after all. Although it's kinda hard to be happy when you have only one friend to celebrate with, and they aren't even here.

Jeremy had been dragged by his mother to go visit some relatives. That meant missing spending Michael’s birthday with him. Michael tried not to act too upset. He didn't want his best friend feeling guilty.

Jeremy and him were practically joined at the hip. They barely ever went a day without seeing each other. If they did, well…

Michael was reminded of how hopeless he was without Jeremy. If Jeremy ever stopped being friends with him, he would probably literally die. He had no other friends, everyone else either didn't care about him, or was mean to him. Jeremy was Michael's reason for living. His reason for waking up in the morning, even though he'd rather keep sleeping. Keep sleeping forever. Lose himself in his dreams.

Michael had an extra special birthday wish this year. He wished that as long as he and Jeremy were alive, they would always be together. No matter what.

  
Michael's dreams were always mystical. He had been told he was special by his dad’s, because he seemed to always know when he was dreaming. He had a higher level of consciousness in his dreams than most people. They called him a lucid dreamer.

It was true, when he dreamed he felt like he was awake. Maybe that's why his dreams were so fun. It was like another world, that he created, where everything was perfect.

Jeremy was in his dream tonight. They were both standing in a field of pretty white lilies. Now they could finally be together today.

Michael ran to him. “Hey Jeremy! I'm so happy you're here! Well, you're always Heere, but y’know!” he giggled. A fluttery feeling always stirred in Michael's chest whenever he saw Jeremy. It was weird… but not in a bad way. He felt like he was walking on air. His cheeks felt warmer.

He should be standing right in front of dream Jeremy now. Yet he wasn't. In fact, it seemed no matter how much he ran, Jeremy was getting farther away. “Jeremy! Where are you going?”

It was getting harder to move through the patches of white lilies. They seemed to thicken, and block his path. He could still see Jeremy on the horizon, but he was still so far away. Whispers echoed from the flowers.

_“He’ll never feel the same way. It's pointless. Why even bother dreaming?”_

He felt tears begin to prick at his eyes. The white lilies were growing all around him, bigger and bigger, threatening to swallow him up. He couldn't see Jeremy through the petals and leaves.

_“Jeremy will never love you back. You're useless to him. One day he'll abandon you, and move onto something worth his time. You should just never wake up. Never wake up never wake up never wake up never wake up never wake up…”_

Michael tried to scream, but he made no sound. He couldn't breathe. He was choking, coughing, gasping, wheezing. He was dying. He needed to wake up. It was just a dream. Wake up wake up wake up…

His eyes shot wide open. A cold sweat dripped down his forehead. He was back in his room, but…

He still couldn't breathe. His throat was clogged up by something, and he sat up straight and hunched over as vomit tumbled out of his mouth. His bed and clothes were stained with blood and… white lily petals? Why… this was just like his dream, no, his nightmare…

The petals kept coming, and Michael kept hacking up more and more. Now he was coughing up full blooms. His body shook, and his throat stung painfully. Tears poured out of his eyes. Make it stop. Please, anybody make it stop.

His daddy rushed into his room. He must have heard the loud sound of Michael heaving in agony. Daddy was trying not to panic, but he was definitely afraid. Michael saw him pull out his cellphone. He fretfully talked with the person on the other end, all while rubbing Michael's back in an attempt to comfort him.

“It's going to be okay sweetheart, it's going to be okay…”

  
He was driven to the hospital afterwards. The doctor said he had… hana… hiki? No, haki. Hanahaki. Hanahaki disease.

It sounded scary. Michael didn't know how he got sick. Was it his fault? He sure hoped it wasn't his fault…

The doctor said they'd have to perform surgery to remove the flowers. Michael didn't want to have surgery. That would hurt, they'd be cutting into him.

“Don't worry sweetheart, it won't hurt” his daddy reassured him “you'll be asleep the whole time.”

No. Sleep meant dreams, and he didn't want to have another nightmare. As if sensing his worry, daddy added “and you won't dream, I promise.”

Okay. If surgery meant the flowers would go away, then he'd just have to be brave.

  
The surgery went well. All of the flowers were gone from his lungs. He could breathe again.

But something wasn't quite the same. It was like something else inside him had been taken out along with the flowers. Something to do with… Jeremy…

Michael felt different about Jeremy than he had before. He still liked Jeremy, of course. He still was his best friend, nothing could ever change that.

But when he looked at Jeremy, he didn't get the fluttery feeling in his chest anymore. He didn't feel like he was walking on air. He didn't feel a warmth in his cheeks. Jeremy was his friend, but that was just it. Nothing more than that.

The dreams stopped.

  
Michael Mell was seventeen years old now. He hadn't had a lucid dream since he was ten. When he got hanahaki. Years later, Michael now understood why he had gotten the floral disease. He had loved Jeremy. In the romantic way. Or, as romantic as a ten year old could get.

When the flowers were removed, so were these feelings he had for Jeremy. He almost had forgotten he had once had a crush on him. It seemed so distant…

They remained the best of friends, all the way through middle school, to high school, to their current junior year. Strictly platonic friends. Nothing more.

So imagine his surprise when those romantic feelings began resurfacing.

It started out small. Stuff like, ‘I wonder what it would be like to hold his hand. In like, a couple way.’ Then it went to, ‘I wonder what it would be like to kiss him. Right on the lips.’ And he even started getting thoughts like, ‘I wonder what it would be like to have sex with him. To moan in delight and pleasure as he licked and sucked on my…’

Uh, so, anyways… point being…

Michael didn't want to get hanahaki again, but if he kept having these thoughts it was only inevitable. Jeremy didn't love him back when he was ten, he didn't love him back now. So Michael suppressed his feelings.

Besides, Jeremy had his own hanahaki to deal with. Thanks to his massive crush on Christine. Michael felt pity for him, he understood what it was like. Only, Michael's had been dealt with right away. Jeremy had been suffering for weeks.

  
At least a month after the whole ‘Jeremy’s hanahaki issue was surprise, actually caused by his feelings for Michael, and also his hanahaki was sentient and evil for some reason’ incident, Michael had his first lucid dream since he was ten.

It started out a lot like the last one. He was standing in a field of flowers. Except instead of white lilies, the field was covered in yellow roses. Blood specked their petals, and sharp thorns dug into Michael’s ankles as he waded through the sea of yellow blossoms.

He could see Jeremy standing a few feet away. Thankfully, as Michael got closer to him, he didn't drift farther away. “Jeremy!”

Jeremy looked up at him. His pupils were dilated, and his eyes had a familiar glassy look. Blood and petals stained his shirt.

**“Why do you still not love me?”**

That voice. The same horrible voice Jeremy had in the hospital. “Jeremy… what are you talking about? Of course I love you.”

**“No you don't. If you did, I wouldn't still be coughing up these awful flowers. I wouldn't still feel this burning pain”** he snarled. As if to demonstrate his point, he began wheezing right then and there. Yellow roses spilled out of his mouth.

“Look… Jeremy, this is just a dream. Your hanahaki isn't real this time, and to be honest, you're probably not real either” Michael explained gently. Jeremy looked enraged now.

**“I KNOW VERY WELL THIS IS A DREAM!! That doesn't take away the pain I feel…”** Jeremy's expression changed to one of sorrow. **“You were in love with me once. Why… why did you stop loving me? Didn't you want to be with me… forever?”**

Jeremy was crying. Michael was on the verge of crying. “I'm sorry… but when I fell in love with you… you didn't love me back yet. If I didn't get my hanahaki removed… it would have killed me. I had no idea it would take away my feelings for you. I'm so sorry, Jeremy… for causing you pain.”

Jeremy was taken aback by this. **“You… had hanahaki too? That means… you suffered… because of me. This is… all… my… fault…”**

Jeremy collapsed to his knees. Michael fell beside him. “No! Jeremy, it isn't your fault either!”

“Yes it is!” Jeremy wailed. “If I had just felt the same for you in the beginning, you wouldn't have gotten hanahaki, you wouldn't have needed to get your feelings removed, and then I wouldn't have gotten hanahaki, and I wouldn't have made such a gigantic mess!!”

He gestured down at his blood splattered shirt. “Both metaphorically and literally!!”

“But you can't just control when you have feelings for someone! It's not your fault you didn't love me right away…” Michael pressed a kiss to Jeremy’s cheek. “The point is, I love you so much right now. You're the most important person to me. And I'll stay by your side, forever and ever.”

Jeremy was stunned. Then, he pulled Michael into a kiss. It was nothing like the one at the hospital. That one had been rushed, and forced. This one was tender and sweet, and soft. Michael's heart skipped a beat.

Looks like this nightmare just turned into a blissful dream.

  
Michael woke up. It was morning.

He had spent the night at Jeremy's house, and he could sense his player two beginning to stir beside him. Jeremy squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light. “Morning Jere. Sleep well?”

“Yeah… I had a weird dream…” he yawned. Michael chuckled. “Really? So did I.”

Jeremy stared at him. “Was… was I in it?”

“Uh… yeah, actually. Was I in yours?”

“Yup…”

It wasn't strange to be in your best friends dreams right? No, of course it wasn't. But still, Michael just had to ask…

“Were we standing in a field of yellow roses?”

Jeremy’s body shuddered like he had just been shocked. “...yup. We sure were.”

Okay, that's strange. Having the assumedly exact same dream as your best friend wasn’t normal. Michael didn't even think that was possible. Had they… somehow shared a dream?

Jeremy fiddled with the blanket draped over his body. “So… did you really mean what you said?”

Michael blinked. “Uh… wha-oh! You mean about… if I loved you…”

Jeremy glanced away. “Y-Yeah…”

“Jere… I still mean everything I said in that dream and more. I love you more than anything in the entire universe.” Jeremy’s face lit up. “S-Same… on that…”

Michael grinned. Jeremy beamed back at him. The air between them felt light and carefree.

“Now, if you don't mind, I'm still tired as hell.” Jeremy face planted into the mattress. Michael snickered. “Sweet dreams Jere-bear.”

The fluttery feelings were back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay maybe not so "subtle" references... 
> 
> (Also I just realized both their flowers are references to characters named Mary...)


End file.
